Category: Parent Talk
Hi everyone,
So, it seems I'm going to be a father. I can hardly believe it. Knowing there's a little alien maturing inside my wife's uterus, feeding on all the sweet breads her body can produce is, in all honesty, a fascinating, wondrous and terrifying fact. This raises a whole slew of mind-bending questions, only two of which I'll talk about here.
To put it bluntly, I'm terrified of losing my child when out in public. Kids are curious little critters, and many of them have a habbit of wandering off. Now, I don't want to be one of those creepy parents everyone loves to talk about, but I'm seriously considering the value - and possible psychological reprocussions - of putting a bell on my little one and attaching him or her to me via a flexable cord while out in busy, public places. Okay, who are we kidding? it's a leesh. So, what do those of you who either have kids of your own, or have taken care of children think about this? I'd hate my little one to grow up with a pavlovian response to - or fear of - bells, because let's face it, bellls are everywhere. But having mall staff hunt me down because I've lost my child, or having them disappear into Uncle Molester, the Ice Cream clown's van really doesn't appeal to me either.
So, please discuss. And please bare in mind it would probably just be until they come to understand that they mustn't run off.
I see nothing wrong with leashes. I used to carry the daughter a lot, on my shoulders. The bell thing I'll discuss in a bit, but honestly. A leash situation won't hurt them, even if the snooty responses will be annoying to you. The child's safety comes first, and the snooty ones aren't responsible, you are.
As to the bell thing? Don't be afraid about bells. Since you mentioned Pavlov, I guess I'll share this. My brother, a scientist, ended up having triplets in their early 40s, after never having had kids. Well, to get them to all crawl to the stroller or the table or wherever, at once, he'd ring bell patterns. Some people may have commented, but the short answer is, you do what works.
I got criticism for carrying my daughter around in my jachet, inside like you might have carried a puppy as a boy, with her little head sticking up and out. People will criticize anything, so provided it's not abusive, I'd say have at it. I even got criticism from older women who assumed I was a teenage father, since I had a rather young-looking face. People need to learn what their grandparents meant when they said, "Keep your nose where it belongs."
Honestly, you'll have months to bond with your baby before she or he is big enough to wander anyway. Remember, even after they can walk, their legs aren't really strong enough yet to go far, so you'll carry them a lot still. Or could be like us, the wife and I often used the stroller for absolutely as long as we could get away with it.
Here's a fear I had: To me, all babies sounded the same. The wife had had me babysit a couple babies as "a learning experience," voice users that was in quotes cause that is how she put it. I couldn't tell them apart from each other, though I didn't have them at the same time. Anyway you're the father, and the mother will be recovering after the birth, even if, as the wife put it, it was a "easy delivery." Didn't look eay to me, but I'm just a guy. But anyway, just sayin', you'll be wiping pooh, burping, wiping spitup off your shirt, keeping that belly button thingamabob whatever they call that clean until it falls off, and generally freaking the f out on a few occasions. And during that time you'll bond and get to know his or her voice and everything.
And mine figured out, when she was 1 or so, that she had to be deliberate about letting me know what she wanted. She's pat her diaper to let me know it needed changing, and other things.
Anyway, hope some of this eases your mind, some. Most of what's on the parenting boards is from chicks, but us guy can do it too. Since all that we have as humans is learned, you'll just learn as you go.
Well first of all, congratulations!
All your fears and worries sound perfectly normal. I remember having some of them myself. Believe it or not, you'll know your baby's voice. I can't explain it; it just happens.
As for bells, absolutely. It's a great idea and it won't dammage the munchkin. I used to pin them to my son's bottom so in case he fell, and God forbid, the safety pin came undone, it would poke the diaper and not him. Besides, he couldn't get it off that way. I don't know if they still make these but when my son was little, we got these shoes called Pipsqueakers. They were annoying as all hell but whenever the kid took a step, they squeaked like a squeaky toy.
I used a child harness too but found it to be more of a pain than anything. My son learned quickly that if he wasn't in the stroller or backpack, he had to hold my hand.
I really wish I could remember how I tought him that but it's been a long while. lol
I'll look forward to reading all about yourr journey.
Congratulations as well.
No, it's perfectly normal for you to tether your child to you in some way when he or she is able to walk. But guess what? You don't have to necessarily hold him or her on a leash. They have these harnesses now, they are some sort of stuffed animal, like a teddy bear or a horse. You put the animal on your child's back like a back pack, and you have a handle at the end of the tale where you hold on to the thing. So in a sense, you are walking your kid in a harness or a leash, but it doesnt' necessarily look that way. you look not at all like your walking a dog. We have that for our son who just turned one and who enjoys walks with us on a regular basis. Both my partner and I are totally blind, and aside from using a stroller which we still sometimes use, we love using the harness. Some know it alls will probably comment of course, but they'll be wrong in their ridiculous assumptions, and besides: would you rather face a few snide comments from people who have nothing better to do or risk your child's safety by not having a secure way to walk with him? A potential risk can very easily become a life=altering accident, especially with a small child. And people will always talk, so to them, your damned if you do and your damned if you don't.
Go for it without hesitation. Get a cute harness and enjoy the world with your child. And before he or she can walk, invest in something like a baby bjourn or a snuggle frontpack, they are backpacks in which you seat the child securely inside and wear him or her on your shoulders. This ensures that your hands are totally free in case you need them to navigate with, control a cane or dog, etc.
Good luck, and ask away about anything else. Some of us are just fresh out of the baby stage and we're all too happy to dispense what we've discovered in that crucial first year.
Yes congrads.
Put a lock on it if you need to. Lol
I like Writers thing, but whatever you do keep him or her close. When you are blind people get strange.
I also like these body cary things. Writer informed me it was called a snuggle. Whatever, the child is on your body, on your chest. You know where your child is.
I never let mine walk unless I had my wife along to see them.
Thank you all for your responses, and your insight. It's a whole new world, and and the wee beirn isn't even out of the oven yet.
I absolutely plan to baby wear as long as is feesable.. A lot of people seem to find the concept a bit strange, but to me, my vision not withstanding, it makes the most sense.
I actually saw a child wearing those squeeky shoes a few weeks ago. I can see them getting extremely annoying, but I definately like the idea. I know whatever happens, I'll get some dumb comments and looks. But I laugh at such comments, and can't see the looks anyway. I'm actually expecting more looks to be directed at my wife when they realize I'm blind, and we have a child together. I say this mainly because even without a child, she gets tons of looks already when she doesn't treat me like a delecate child when we're out in public.
Doubtless I'll have a ton of questions in the future, but in the meantime, it's very interesting to read these responses and suggestions.
Thank you all.
As for bells, here's another suggestion. I sewn little bells onto my baby's socks--Just at teh top so it wouldnt' be uncomfortable for him. See if you or your wife can do that if you want to do the bell thing instead of the pipsqueaker thing.
And as for walking with your baby, I think it's important that you as a blind parent allows your child to walk with you on your own when he or she is of age. You need to establish that even though your blind, your an equal parent to his or her sighted mom. I wouldn't worry at all about walking at a park or somewhere residential with a child on a tether. You'll do fine.
Yes, the pipsqueakers site is still up.
www.pipsqueakers.com
You're a wealth of knowledge B and no I'm not being sarcastic; it is interesting; I didn't know one could get a harness reflecting a soft toy. I will have to remember this when when my time comes for kids.
Also the bells soed on the socs are a good idea; I kinda always tthought the concept seems a bit funny but we have to do what works as we've said. Stuff what others in public say.
When my cousin was little, i remember she had slippers that squeaked as she walked; probably not so appropriate for the public but def pretty cool for inside. :)
always happy to help. :P
well my daughter is 2 goning to be 3 here on the 19 of aprail.Well they sail leashes where you put them on the back of the child and then you hold on to the tail.'You can also get squeekey shoes off of amazon.
they are great and loud to I got some for my daughter.
I use both the shoes and the leash cause she is at the point where she wants to run run away.
I use to use a bell that I would put a saftey pin on and that would work to.
but yes you really need to keep a i on a child cause believe me they wun and they run fast.
When they are small you can you a sleeng that you put on your chest.
and when they get a bit older you can use the one that goes on your back they are like 19 dollers.
if you have any more questions just ask.
or email me it is on my profile.
Thanks everyone. I like the idea of the bells on socks, though I think a bell on a pin would be a little easier and less hastle to remove. I'm not so much worried about at home, just in public. It's interesting reading all these ideas though.:)
I have a daughter who is now 5 years old. When she was a baby, I used one of those sit and stroll strollers that came with a carrier and a stroller, so when she was a tiny baby, she would be in the carrier, which could also be used as a carseat, and then when she got a little older, she could sit in the stroller when she learned to sit up. It even had a way to put down the back of the stroller seat so the baby could lay down, and it had a basket on the bottom to put things while you are out. I pulled the stroller behind me and used my cane in front, so it worked out well. When she came close to 3 years old, she got to where she wanted to walk more while we were out, so I got one of those safety tether harnesses with a stuffed animal in the back. The one I got was a little horse, but they had monkeys and bears and other animals. I got mine from Amazon, but they have them at Babies R Us or Toys R Us, and I have even had other parents ask me where I got it, because they wanted one for their child. She still uses it somewhat, because sometimes she still does not want to listen and hold my hand while we are out, but I am taking it off little by little and telling her she can have it off as long as she holds my hand, but if she doesn't, then I will tell her that she has to wear it until she listens and holds my hand like I tell her to so she can be safe. If we are in a crowded area or near the road or something, I will keep it on her even if she holds my hand because it is safer, but I am trying to get her to hold my hand while we are out, because she will outgrow the safety tether soon, so it is important for her to know that she has to hold my hand and stay with me where I can know where she is at.
I have gotten comments about it, but it was mostly people on the public bus, and they didn't directly talk to me, but they were telling each other that they could never put their child on a leash like that and acting like I was being such a horrible parent. I have also had people tell each other that I have to put a harness on my daughter so that she can guide and help me, as if she was a guide dog or something, to which I promptly corrected them that it is for my daughter's safety to make sure she stays next to me and is not ffor her to guide or help me, because I already know where I am going regardless of whether she is with me or not so don't need her to guide me around.
I love that concept. I've never thought of people seeing it as a method of getting guided.
Normally when you have one on a child that child is as you say 5 or less, so how could they possibly be good guides?
That made me laugh. You just need a sign (child guide!) Smile.
Lol yes, it surprised me too, especially since someone who is sighted who has a child would be seen as abusive if he or she were to force his or her child to help them with something difficult like that.
I remember when my daughter was only 2 years old, and I took a bus to a transfer center in order to transfer to another bus, so I asked the driver to help me find the bay for my desired bus. Well, instead of just giving me directions or helping me get there, he looked at my 2-year-old daughter and pointed to the bus bay I was supposed to go there and told her, "Take your mom over there. You see where that sign is? Take her there." He was surprised that she wasn't listening and didn't understand, and he tried to demand it of her again, and I interrupted him and said, "Excuse me, but she is only 2 years old and is too young to understand and direct me like that." so finally, he just took me to the other bus bay, but I was surprised that he even had the notion to tell a 2 year old where to take their blind mother, when all he had to do was just give me verbal directions or something.
I guess you can tell that I get a lot of comments and things like that happening when all I want is directions from people, not for them to tell my daughter to take me there instead.
I guess. Lol.
The thing is, these products were not created for the gblind parent, so I can't see why they'd surprise people. They sell them in all baby stores and such, and sighted or not, these products are helpers.
Wow, MDN, that's a pretty messed up senario right there.
Pretty funny to me. Show’s how much people are thinking.
You get a large stuffed bear, or something, put a child’s harness on it, and ask for directions.
Smile.
Just had too.
my daughter uses a bumble bee leesh or squeeky shoes outdoors. I like the shoes for play grounds and the like when she's in with a crowd of kids. If I have a lot of things with me and hands are full I like the bumble bee because she will stay close, but generally she knows to hold hands while on pavement etc or she'll be carried or totherwise. It's very temporary, and should not be a detrament to their develupment. Safety first.
I am engaged and don't have kids yet, nor do I see us having them for years yet, but this si erry interesting. My fiancé doesn't like the idea of the Kid leashes, but I really don't give a crap... I'll use them when the kid is with me alone at least. I bet he'd change his mind once the kid starts running around and not listening to him. lol I also like the idea of the pouches that you carry them in when they're little. I know a mom that pretty much trained her daughter to respond whenever she called her name, no matter what she was doing. If she did not, it didn't matter who was having what kind of fun, they went home. Now her daughter is 12 and it's automatic for her. Her adopted daughter was a little older, like 2 or so Ithink, when they got her so this was harder for her, but it still works.